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Wonderful Warm and Cozy

Have you ever thought about how love should feel? I have and for me its this wonderful warm feeling that just feels cozy. I think about how love feels to me and then find myself wondering why I ever settled for any feeling less than that. I’ve dated a lot of men and out all of those men there was only man who ever gave me that feeling. I still remember the moment he told me he loved me-we were in sitting at the bar in the back of The Federal in North Hollywood,CA. I was sitting on the stool next to him talking about what drink I wanted and then I looked at him and he just looked at me and said, “ I love you”. My response, “You do?” With this quizzical look on my face. He said, “ I’ve never felt this before and I don’t know what else it could be other than me loving you.” From that moment on, even up to years after we broke up, I always felt that cozy wonderful warm feeling whenever I was in his presence or communicated with him.

Whenever bad or really good things would happen or I needed to make a big decision, I’d always call him, even if I had a significant other. Looking back now I understand why I always called him because he always made me feel safe no matter the situation. In honesty I think he is the reason no guy ever worked out for me because none of them ever made me feel safe the way he did. Unlike most of the men I dated after him, I always questioned my place in their lives, but I had never felt that way with him, because he was always sure to tell me exactly where I stood in his life. Recently this guy started dating someone and I know its serious because he is not a man that waste a woman’s time, if he is with you he is with you and no one else. He takes his time, the love he gives and his life too serious to share it with just anyone.

It was a hard moment when he told me that he had started seeing someone. My heart had just been shattered and his was just starting to be given away to someone that was not me. I don’t know how I knew he was seeing some but I could sense it, as I was dealing with my break up I wanted to call him but I didn’t I felt a disconnect, as if our connection was no longer there. I ended up texting him asking him if he had started seeing someone and he said yes and that he was happy that I found someone. I responded me and that guy had broken up and that I was happy for him( or some lie like that) and then deleted his number, our txt chain and removed him from any social media I had. And I cried, I cried a lot because I knew that any chance, however slim that I knew it was, we were never going to be together and I was never going to call him again when good or bad things happened or to ask his advice on a big life decision. It wasn’t because I had removed any physical trace of him, it was because I had finally admitted to myself that I had hung onto that wonderful warm cozy feeling he had always made me feel, even when weren’t getting along, for so long that no guy ever really stood a chance.

As I write this I wonder why for years after him and up until now had I settled for anything less than a wonderful warm cozy feeling?-I don’t think I know the answer to that but what I do know is that I’m now in a time in my life where, I have too much to lose to settle for anything less than a wonderful warm cozy love. And if you are reading this so have you. Someone has convinced you that love should be hard and its painful and it isn’t always cozy and safe-but the thing is, love isn’t hard and it isn’t painful. Love is a wonderful warm cozy feeling and we deserve that-don’t let anyone make you feel any less than that, because the love you give to someone is a gift not everyone is allowed that have that gift. And also I promise if you’ve felt that wonderful warm cozy feeling before it won’t be the last time and it’s ok to wait for it-sometimes the greatest gifts happen when we wait.

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